Ego Hurts

My Dad is a fundamentalist Christian… so I heard and still hear quite often that God is a vengeful God. He punishes sin.

This scared me to death for my whole life and I’m 37 years old so that’s a long time.

I’ve never really believed it because I can’t imagine a force of unconditional love “punishing” anyone for being “bad” … but I was always really afraid to side step the idea just in case I was wrong. Ouch. That could really hurt. And even though my middle name is Angel, I’m sure if an all-knowing omniscient God looked into my life, he’d find a thing or two that would warrant a harsh trip to the fire pit.

Then I realized…. MY DAD IS RIGHT.

God is pretty vengeful when you consider God being My Higher Self. And my EGO being the smallest me I have. And my continual experience of getting a downright nasty kick in the ass whenever my ego starts running the show.

  • 12-Step programs address the Ego (edging God out)
  • Meditation practices recognize the Ego (the head chatter)
  • Loved ones recognize the Ego (“he and his damned ego again…”)
  • Enlightenment is defined as the realization of the bigger Self from the Ego “s”elf

This is powerful for me. This means that I might actually be able to relax and enjoy life a little bit if I stop fearing that there is an all-knowing force hanging around waiting to pummel me as soon as I relax, let go and do something pleasurable for myself.

I think the question to ask myself is which self is behind the desire?

2 thoughts on “Ego Hurts

  1. I relate! My parents are sort of similar…
    Abraham says it is the contrast that causes your expansion….
    Fundamentalism is fear based, it says my idea is better than yours and is anchored with some sort of fear given to them usually by someone abusing power with that fear… the exchange for this subjugation is the belief of your own rightness over others.

    Your ego is to be watched and observed, you need ego to get up in the morning… I have seen friends go down the eastern religions path and rid themselves of their egos only to wake up with a really strong negative ego…

    Good luck with Dad! Offer him light, send him light (the absence of which they call sin) try not to come in too strong…ohhh I’ve done that!

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