Ego Hurts

My Dad is a fundamentalist Christian… so I heard and still hear quite often that God is a vengeful God. He punishes sin.

This scared me to death for my whole life and I’m 37 years old so that’s a long time.

I’ve never really believed it because I can’t imagine a force of unconditional love “punishing” anyone for being “bad” … but I was always really afraid to side step the idea just in case I was wrong. Ouch. That could really hurt. And even though my middle name is Angel, I’m sure if an all-knowing omniscient God looked into my life, he’d find a thing or two that would warrant a harsh trip to the fire pit.

Then I realized…. MY DAD IS RIGHT.

God is pretty vengeful when you consider God being My Higher Self. And my EGO being the smallest me I have. And my continual experience of getting a downright nasty kick in the ass whenever my ego starts running the show.

  • 12-Step programs address the Ego (edging God out)
  • Meditation practices recognize the Ego (the head chatter)
  • Loved ones recognize the Ego (“he and his damned ego again…”)
  • Enlightenment is defined as the realization of the bigger Self from the Ego “s”elf

This is powerful for me. This means that I might actually be able to relax and enjoy life a little bit if I stop fearing that there is an all-knowing force hanging around waiting to pummel me as soon as I relax, let go and do something pleasurable for myself.

I think the question to ask myself is which self is behind the desire?