BUY AND ACCUMULATE… LATHER, RINSE, REPEAT.
I’ve been so attached the evidence my whole life… the physical… the stuff I can touch… even better, the stuff I can BUY AND ACCUMULATE… buy and accumulate… buy and accumulate… lather, rinse, repeat.
Ahhh… being a consumer.
I spent 15 years of my adult life clocking in 14 hour work days to make enough cash to have the “freedom” to buy and accumulate as much “stuff” as I wanted. Nice goal Lon, how did that work for you? Uhhhh…. it was busy, that’s for sure. My Life No Joke:
- I bought a $625,000 house. That was cool… but definitely required even more cash and a lot of time to maintain it. For example… stressing whether that Ficas tree in the back was going to crack the pipe under the pool (i.e. not the city’s fault) and we would have to spend $10k to fix it.
- I found time to go to the mall once a year… dedicated to finally getting that perfect wardrobe I worked so hard to afford… only to get there and be so DEVASTATED at the current state of my body that I went into a serious downward spiral.
- The self-hate became unbearable as I exchanged hopeful Size 4′s for spirit-crushing Size 10′s. Before I knew it I was driven by a demon against my will to head straight to the Food Court for a pint of frozen yogurt to soothe my aching soul. “Oh yes, I definitely need two spoons” I tell the guy. “This isn’t just for me.” — yea, right — Promise to Self: starting tomorrow, I will finally get through the Master Cleanse… 17 days this time… 17 … till I’m a Size 4.
- Friday night after leaving work at 8pm because 5pm on was the only time I could catch up on email, I got to pick whatever Sushi place sounded best to me… money not an issue… would go nuts on sushi and saki… ordering as much as I wanted because I “deserved it” and needed to replenish my drained energy. The Saki buzz lessened my guilt at putting off my cleanse one more day (hence stuff as much in my face as possible because it starts tomorrow).
- Then my husband and I would spend most of the evening recovering from the day by problem-solving the frustrations of having to work with people we didn’t like. By the time we got home, we were so stuffed and exhausted that it was easier and frankly, more appealing to watch the latest installment of “LOST” than have sex (hmmm… can’t say I got the irony of that in the moment it was happening).
- I was really into my magazines and catalogues which just might just have more interesting “stuff” for me to buy. But, since I had so little free time, I had a genius strategy of bringing them to the gym and using them to numb the pain and boredom of the treadmill, stair climber and elliptical. I could also use them to kill time while myself and all of the other hamsters stood around waiting for a free wheel. Mind you, I live in LA where it’s 75 degrees year round and my gym was ONE block from a beach. The problem was I couldn’t run on the beach AND get through my magazine stack at the same time. It just wasn’t enough of a multi-tasking opportunity to be worth it.
You get the point I’m sure.
Then… the lightening bolt hit… my whole life changed (as you saw in the profile)… and I came into deeper and deeper realization that EVERYTHING… LITERALLY EVERYTHING… in our life is energy. That means we can create anything we want out of thin air. All that “stuff” was really about feeling good for me… in some way or another every single one of those moves was done with the promise that it would deliver feeling good.
What if I could make that happen anytime, anywhere and without ANYONE OR ANYTHING?
That’s the kind of freedom I wanted — and got:
- Now I work from home and I hardly work.
- Because I want much less, I have the same feeling of being able to afford whatever I want. Mostly what I’ve always wanted most was FREE TIME and I have endless amounts of it now. It’s totally awesome.
- Now I surround myself with ONLY the people I want in my life… work life included.
- Now I have a much smaller “clean up” job because there’s not much depletion happening.
THE CLUTTER IS GOING. The clutter is going. It’s so exciting to bypass the effort and get straight to the reward.
When I was that person with the big title (executive producer of a whole network)… I looked at people like me now and I thought they were pathetic hippies. I did. I thought they just sucked at business so they criticized and rejected it. I thought they saw money as evil to justify their laziness.
It’s not that any of that changed. It’s not about any of that for me.
It was about LOCATING THE SOURCE OF MY HAPPINESS.
I LOCATED THE SOURCE OF MY FULFILLMENT
Result = absolutely LOVING my life and getting everything I want… same thing I was going for before. Cool
And that’s what this website is all about… sharing with you all that I learned and am learning about where my TRUE FULFILLMENT really comes from. I hope you get some of the juice too :– )